Change...

We say we want change and that we hate doing the same thing over and over, on a regular bases. But we never seem to do anything about it. We just keep doing it, we dream of a different life, but were so set in what were doing now, I don't think we would even know where to start. I wanted change, so I moved for change and I got a drastic amount of change. Yet life likes to throw little things at me that are the same. They don't seem to stop no matter what, it just keeps getting thrown at me. Just when I think I am over these things and have moved on, here they coming flying at me and fast. I never seem to duck out the way either, I just put myself right in front and get hit. Boom! In the face, like a slap. You would think we have learned, and we think we do, except for when it comes back and we seem to get trapped in it again. I have one just like this, and by now I am calling it a "demon", because it takes control over me and I don't know how to stop it. It drives me crazy, to think something like this has so much control over me and I am so helpless. It's very frustrating. I call it a magnet, because it draws me to it and it takes such great force to pull me away from it. Maybe it followed me because honestly I never delt with it, I ran away from it, they say you can never run away from your problems. I see they may be on to something after all, huh, go figure. So now I guess I have nothing else to do, but to deal with it, and I don't wanna. It's a hard subject for me, it takes up a lot of energy and it's a very emotional subject for me. What to do, do I stay and deal, or do I run as fast I can and take the chance of it following after me? Damn, I need to deal with it, cause I don't like to be followed. Maybe in order for me to change things I need to deal with the old things first and then the new ones will come. So maybe the reason we don't have change is because we still have issues we have to deal with and we don't realize it. Maybe even until it's to late. But I want, no I need change, I can't take repetition unless it's something I love. So far I haven't found anything to repeat that I love. So I am going to deal, and then hopefully change will come to me, and I mean a good change.