Time....

They say it takes time for all wound's of every sort to heal. As much as it may be true, they never tell you that the time it takes sucks. That it's strength and perseverance, family, friends, and believing in ones self, that gets you through those rough times. Being here basically alone at least mentally, is tough and it takes some getting used to. It makes me think, is this really what I wanted after all. What am I really doing here? I had this idea, this thought in my head, but now I can't even seem to remember what it was. I know there is a lot I want to do and accomplish, but can I do it a lone? I know that if I put my mind to it and really set out to accomplish something then it will happen. That's my problem though, I have no idea what it is I want to set out to do. California has so many opportunities to do just about anything here, and for the life of me I can't seem to think of one idea that I really want to do. I've had ideas when I was younger, but now they seem so hard, especially with my lack of self-esteem. These thoughts and doubt's in my head are really making it hard for me to be out here and accomplish anything. I wanna go out and do things, but because I am not a beach bunny, I get self conscious, I start to back down and then put it into my head that I can't do it. That if I go out for it or try I'll just get laughed at and won't get it anyways. How lame and pathetic is that, a head of a women so scary in there. HaHaHa. So I drown myself in movies, to rest my head and all these annoying thoughts. Like that movie world would ever really happen in this real life world. So it either makes me feel better or worse and today after the laughs and moment's, it's seem to some how make me feel worse. So I say do I stay feeling sorry for myself or do I go out into this world and make something happen, make a name for myself? Well I'll let you know, right now the future seems bright, but we wont know for sure yet, since I seem to be so fickle. But hey who isn't, we all want things to go our way and be happy. Yet along the road there's obstacles and challenges we have to face, so maybe this one is mine.